How do i feel?
I feel like a butterfly being drawn dangerously close to the flames. I feel the heat scorching through me ever so delicate wings and still i venture closer… and closer.
Helpless, yet somehow so captivated by the danger that i am so willing to endure any pain for what i find so… tantalizingly seductive. The taste of it all, the smell… the feel.
Sometimes i feel like i like the IDEA of you more then i actually care for you… sweet flames. I have built up such an intense image of you in my mind. I place you on a pedestal so high that i doubt even the gods could touch you if they dared reach up high enough. You… im my mind’s eye are perfect… yet so imperfect that you fit somehow perfectly with me.
Your touch is like a drug, drawing me in with ever breath you take. And i fly… the butterfly so carelessly close to you knowing that there is no way this can ever end well.
It’s unfair… i have closed myself off for so long that i think i am impervious the to pain that will no doubt be thrust upon me when i get too close. Because the truth of the matter is that somehow you have opened me up and i should have seen it, should have known that getting to close to you is like playing with fire.
Silly little butterfly, i should have known. Even something as careless and whimsical as a butterfly ought to have a small amount of common sense.
I played with fire… and i got burned. The butterfly drawn too close to the flames… flies no more.
Feelings all meshed together, im not sure how i feel. I feel like i am in an everychanging yet non-ending period of adjusting. One moment i am that butterfly again, venturing closer and closer to everything i want and blissfully unaware of how horrible things can turn out.
And then, instinctively, i pull back.
It is like i can feel the flames engulfing over me and scorching me down the the very core. It is like i have been reborn, but at the same time every time i draw nearer and nearer to the same mistakes i feel my wings catch fire on my back all over again.
I should know now.
But truth be told… i dont. Or maybe i know better then i did before, but would be so foolish enough to wander towards that same mistake again.
I want to be that butterfly, God only knows why.
I want to feel the way you made me feel when i was dancing so carelessly around you flame.
Dangerous warth that covered every single inch of me. It was the more intense feeling, yet without most of the intensity that should have accompanied it. It was glorious…
Which is exactly why, if you asked me, i would come back without hesitation. Even with the underlying knowledge that sooner or later i will not only get burned, but i will lose my wings.
This… is how i feel.