Bad Person?

So thoughts for the day,
You try and you try to be the best person you could be, and that in itself makes you a good person. Good people aren’t the people who do everything perfectly, care about everyone’s feelings, and never forget a birthday. They are the people who make mistakes, forget things, and even hurt feelings but try that much harder to do better. They make promises of better days and tell you they are sorry… even if they aren’t. This apparently is what makes up good people.
No, what and who are the bad people?
I mean is it so black and white or are there grey areas? Are there good and bad people or just good people who sometimes do bad things. I mean there are people who murder and then there are people who are forced o murder. Is a woman who has been caught with her back against the wall and no choice but to kill someone who would do wrong to her and her children a bad person because she murders the man and thinks to herself later… well he did deserve it, what was i to do? Or is what makes her a good person the fact that she loses sleep over the life she took and is forever filled with grief? I mean where do the black and white areas become grey?
I was very recently told that i was a bad person… like with a straight face on someone who usually knows me very well said: ‘Actualy Shaye, i am not going to lie… you kind of are a bad person…”
Now i know that sometimes i do bad things… I mean, i cheat when i know i shouldnt, i tell really ridiculous lies, sometimes i hurt people with the intention of hurting people, i am mean, obnoxiously upfront and sometimes unable to mask my hatred for people with little white lies… and i guess in that person’s eyes that makes me a bad person.
But then again, i have never claimed to be anything otherwise. I have never smiled at someone at said, “Hey, i am a good person…”
Because something deep down tells me that some days and to some people, i am a bad person. And i could lie and tell them that i was trying to be better every day, but i a not. I have grown accustomed to letting people down and constantly having rude remarks. That’s just me… It’s not like i have never tried to be a better person. I have… many times, and it is just a battle i can’t seem to win, so i have stopped trying all together.
So yes, i am a bad person…
It’s a lot easier for a good person to push themselves to be better than it is for a bad person to become good.
And i could be depressed about it, and beat myself up (more than i do already) but it wouldnt do any good. I am a bad person sometimes, but it isnt like i dont have moments where i am anything but. I mean ask any of my friends, and they will tell you who i am…
Wait… except for the one who said i was a bad person.. dont ask him.
Hey, i could always be worse. I could be a bad person who tried to convince people that i am good… now that is just something i would never do!!

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