A Heart That Knows No Better

My heart doesn’t know a lot of the things it should. It doesn’t know when it’s appropriate to cry, and when it does know it doesn’t let me.
It doesn’t know when something is good and when it should hold onto it with every piece of myself. Even worse, it just doesn’t know when to let go of the things not worth holding onto.
My heart doesn’t know when it is supposed to be content.
And when things are going better then I’ve ever imagined, it can’t help but disrupt me somehow.
It doesn’t know if I love this one or I just haven’t met him yet. It’s confused when everything comes down to love and frankly doesn’t even know what love is.
When I am moving too slow it beats hard and fast and when I am moving fast it decides to beat soft and slow.
And when I see him…
My mind screams of our new friendship and how great it would be to have him in my life for as long as I can manage to hold onto him. Because he is great and I know he could make me into a better person, teach me all of the things I don’t know.
But my heart…
My heart doesn’t know how to be anything but ignorant and dysfunctional. And I wish I knew how to get down to it and teach myself, my heart, all the things it needs to know. All the things it’s missing.
Unfortunately it’s something I just can’t teach myself. It’s something someone has to step in, step up, and show me.
Until then I will always be stuck here, confused and out of sync… With a heart that knows no better.


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