Father’s Day

So apparently today is father’s day. All those children out there are sharing their love for their father openly in Facebook Status’ and Twitter updates, blogging about the love they received from their father as a child and how their love has strengthened and now their father is their idol and so and so forth. But to me, today is just another day.

A boring day, to be honest. Few customers coming into the store today, nothing to do at work but naturally obligated to stay there. It was just another uneventful day for me.  But why wouldn’t it be? I don’t have a father to celebrate this greeting card holiday with.

Not that I don’t see a reason to rain appreciation on your father if he had been man enough to stick with you throughout your life; if they have been there guiding you along the way, helping you learn and grow then why not thank them. They are, for lack of a better way to describe them, your father.

Unfortunately for me though, I have absolutely no reason to thank my father even if her were standing before me on his so called holiday. While other people’s fathers were at their Bring Your Dad To School Day my father was at someone else’s. When other kids dad were helping them blow out their birthday candles and making that day ever so special for them, mine naturally was doing all that for someone else. And if my life goes down a certain path and I choose to get married, it won’t be my father walking me down the aisle… not when he has three other daughters to celebrate such a special day with. And if I ever have children… long shot, but if ever, it won’t be him they call grandpa.

See, it’s unfortunate and I hate to say it but on most days when I take the time to think about it I let it get the best of me. But some fathers just aren’t there for their little girls like they are supposed to be. It isn’t like the movies when they little girl has a nightmare and the father comes running to console, and it isn’t having a bad day and having him wipe at my tears guaranteeing me that tomorrow will be better, and it isn’t falling head over heels in love with the guy who will in your eyes forever hold your heart, then watching him get down on his knee and say the most magical words you will ever hear and then standing nervously in a church while your father gives you a pep talk and tells you he will always be there for you; I’m sure it is like that for some, but not for me.

No, for me it was listening to my parents fight and watching him leave. It was him coming to visit me when he felt like it was convenient to him and actually being taken to his mistress’ house to spend the night, the same one in fact that he left my mother for. It was waiting all anxious and excited to open all my presents at my 7th, 8th, 9th, and so forth birthday because I wanted my father to be there to see me open them. Most birthdays I fell asleep waiting for him, presents unopened. It was learning to ride a bike by myself, falling down and not having anyone to pick me up again. It’s empty promises and missed graduations. It was phone calls telling me he would be there when everyone else knew that he wouldn’t. And then when he decided to have another daughter with someone else, it was no phone calls at all.

Father’s are a bridge in every girl’s life. A rock to steady them when they are on shaky ground. Father’s are the protector and someone who will always provide that shoulder you need. That’s what they are supposed to be there for.

A father for me, is absent.

So on father’s day I do very little to celebrate all the father’s out there. I harbour jealousy in my heart as I watch other people run into the loving arms of their father’s. Updating their Facebook status’, their Twitter updates, and their blogs on how much they love and appreciate them, and overhearing their phone calls. Because to be honest, I would love nothing more then to celebrate father’s day, and nothing would be better to me then to have a father who loves me to celebrate it with.

Until then (which will most likely be never) I think Father’s day is a complete load of crap, and the greeting card companies way of selling as much useless crap as they can to the consumer who doesn’t know any better… or who has a father worthwhile to give them to…

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