It was cold out.
The crisp and sharp bite of the winter morning bit into her tender caramel skin, the frosted blades of glass like daggers beneath her bare feet as she walked through the trees. Each breath she took seemed to be captured by the frost, white shadows of where her breath was, and had been with each exhale.
She crossed her bare arms over her chest, not to shield herself from the cold but more to comfort herself from all the sorrows of the world. How they seemed to taunt her lately.
Her lips were dry, cracked from the cold. Her nose red, her hands and feet numb, but still she walked on. With each step her mind seemed to think of warmth. Of the way his eyes had captured the sun, and even seemed to shine on her when there was no sun at all. The way his arms enveloped her, keeping her safe, keeping her warm, and just… keeping her.
He was magic, he was her little piece of magic.
She had been told of her foolishness, told as soon as people had seen the looks the two of them exchanged that what they felt would lead to nothing but trouble. She had been told of the heartache that would fill her if she dared even…
But how could she not? He had been that something else, the thing she had been waiting for and hoping for all her life. How could they tell her not to love? How could they tell her not to fall in love with him, when he was everything she wanted and more?How could they tell her to turn away from life? Because to her, in those moments, that was what he was to her.
But they had told her, and had she not been so selfish… had she listened, things would be different.
The moon shone high in night sky, all the creatures of the night seemed to call to her as she made her way through the woods. She could hear the waves crashing against the side of the cliff ahead of her, she could hear them practically calling to her, promising to end her suffering.
With the crashing of the waves came the memories…
They lay together, candles burning all around the bed as they lay close, their fingers entwined. “This is too perfect, how i wish we could tell all of our love.”
Her brows furrowed, gaze snapping to his. “You’re joking right? What would they say? They would say nothing because they would all be too busy running us out of town.”
“There are worse things then us being together, love. Surely you are over reacting.”
“As will they…” she shook her head. She sat up, facing him and taking his face in her hands. “I love you, with all my heart but what we have… as wonderful as it is to us would be seen as tainted to them. These people will not change.”
“Maybe all they need is ones as brave as us to stand forth and change them.”
Shaking her head in frustration she lifted her hands to her long curly hair. “And if we do not change them… what then?” she knew that nothing either of them said would change the way people would react. And that way he spoke of it all, was of pure fantasy. She would love for it to be that simple, love to stand up and have everything change for it. But the truth of the matter was that it wouldn’t, no matter how important he was to them, no matter how badly they both wanted it.
Sitting up with her, he pressed a kiss to her cheek. “What is love, if not taking risks?”
Shaking her head, she touched her hand lightly to his cheek. “Must you always be racing into battles? Could you not just sit here and be happy with me? Just the two of us?”
He grinned. “It will be just the two of us… after tomorrow.”
She frowned then, question in her eyes as he looked at her. But he kissed her before she could ask, and she never got the chance to ease the question from her eyes.
The sharp wind whipped her hair behind her as the honey sweet memories of their nights together stabbed at her. If she had just talked some sense in to him that night, everything would be better.
“Hello Darling!” a pretty blonde ran at him and wrapped her arms around his neck. “How I’ve missed you.” she pouted.
Unwrapping her arms from him, he took hold of her hands and moved her towards the sofa. “I’m afraid I haven’t asked you here for a social call. I’ve something very important to discuss with you regarding our marriage agreement.”
She clapped her hands together, glowing at his words. “And i’ve been ever so excited. Father has told me that I can have anything I want. We’ve even talked about having the finest gown made for me in Paris, could you imagine it?” she grinned.
He shook his head. “No, I can’t say that i can.”
“Well, you wont have to.” She grabbed a golden lock of her hair from her shoulder and began twirling it about her fingers. “I would actually rather you didn’t take the time to imagine such things, it would ruin the surprise. I want you to be blown away when you see it on me on the day of our marriage.”
“I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise, but you are not listening to me. I don’t think there will be a surprise at all.”
She looked at him confused for a moment before giggling. “I can tell you honestly that anything you imagine will not even come close to what would be made-“
“I don’t think i will be imagining a wedding gown of such extravagance on you… because i do not think we will be wed.”
Her eyes went wide, mouth gaping open. “What?”
“You see i have fallen for someone else. I don’t think it would be right-“
Getting up from her place, she threw her hand up. “Who? Who else could you possibly have fallen for. There is no other female you socialize with… no one you have time for besides me. You are ever so busy, the only women you speak to are me and…” she stopped, eyes wide as she stared at him. “No…”
Moving across the study, he closed the door so that she couldn’t be heard by the help. “Yes, she is everything I have been looking for, and she is so honest and open. I don’t mean to hurt you but I-“
“It’s forbidden… you will be run out of town. I will be… you can’t. She is…”
“Can we not be civil about this.”
“About what?” her gaze burned fire through him as she stalked towards him. “You are telling me that you are leaving me for a NIGRO? Had anyone else been present now she would be hanged.” she spit at him, walking past him to stand by his desk.
“Times are changing, it is only a matter of time now before we are all the same despite the colour of our skin. What does it matter?” he asked her.
“No, this will not happen. I will not let it. You will make a fool of me.”
“Come now, don’t-“
Grabbing a letter opener from the desk she lunged at him. All anger and rage filled her as she raced towards him, weapon in hand. It was quick, as he was taken by surprise and fell without a fight.
Startled, she threw the letter opening in the fireplace and ran from the study closing the door behind her.
She remembered finding him there, mere moments later. She had thought that he would confront his fiancé and had hoped to get there before he did. She had hoped she could talk him out of it. People wouldn’t understand, they wouldn’t accept their love.
Standing with the ocean at her feet, she was filled with nothing but regret… and emptiness. It wasn’t until today that she knew that she could be filled with emptiness… what a thought.
Her dress was slicked to her as the winter breeze came from off the sea and blew hard at her. It was like tiny needles poking at her cheeks. Almost no pain at all compared to the pain of what was poking at her heart.
Turing her head up to the sky she begged God to forgive her, hoped that he was merciful and did not see her for the black girl that she was. The black girl that fell in love with a white man although the time didn’t allow it. She figured God had made the both of them, although of different colour, they were both his children and he did not see them as they black girl or the white man.
Hopefully he just say them as ones who loved each other.
She took a deep breath in as she opened her arms wide to the cold, asking God to forgive her for ever letting him fall in love with her, letting his life be taken the way it was.
She was someone who overstepped her bounds, and now she was going to take one more step to end it all.
Letting out the breath she was holding in, she let herself fall from the edge of the cliff and be engulfed by the icy waters of the winter sea. She died with his name on her lips, and seared into her heart.
A sin it was, she knew before she threw herself from the cliff. Surely God would see it as such and cast her from his heavens, never allowing her to set eyes on her beloved ever again. And that was just. For she knew that she was wrong, she was wrong to have loved as she did. And for the life that had been taken because of her she did not deserve to be set in the heavens alongside him.
But she had loved as hard as she could while she had the chance, and that was enough. And to escape the pain she felt, one that seemed to be breaking her down ever so slowly, she took the easy way out. How could she not? There was nothing left of her, she died in her lover’s study.
And she would die forever and forever again…
A broken lover.