A Battle with What I Want, and Who I Love.

There isn’t anyone out there who is in a relationship with someone they love, someone who they would give up almost anything for, that hasn’t sacrificed what they want for who they love. Whether it’s moving across the country for their job, or staying put for it. Whether it is five kids, or no kids. Or maybe it is just giving up the peaceful silence you have grown ever so accustomed to.

It’s so easy to forget what you want for the person you love. Because at the time you look at them, feel what you have and decide that this, the love the two of you share is worth so much more then what you want. So much more then the vacation, so much more then the carefree life of a traveler, so much more then the puppy or the kids. But where do you draw the line?

At what point do you actually sit there and play out the life you would have if you had that car, or that puppy, or if you went to Fiji for that week. At one point do you regret not having that friend they didn’t approve of, or the life you would have had if you had taken the course you had wanted to, taken the lesson and become a professional ballerina?

When do you really sit back and really weigh the two?

Sure, at the moment it wasn’t the right time in your relationship for you to go to Hawaii without him, and he couldn’t go because of work. Or maybe it wasn’t the right time to go on the cross country road trip, because he couldn’t be there and didn’t want you gone for that long. You sat back and you could see that it was all wrong… at that time.

But what about five years later when your family is started and it clicks in that it’s now way too late. You have a child yoou can’t leave at home while you drive through the breezes of freedom. And the money you would have spent on that vacation is put aside to buy the house you now don’t only want, but actually need.

It is practical to have all that money for what you need now, but maybe just maybe it should have been spent on something you soul needed back then.

When we are about to go, when our body is aged to the point where is can’t go on another day and the whisper of death you feel in each breath you take is but a salvation, all you will have in those final moments is the memories you have made… and the regrets. It may be selfish, but now, in that moment is the time to think about that beach you could have been lying on, those drinks you could have had… the applause that came after your dancing or singing as you left the stage.

A bucket list is something people make when their time is short. When they know they won’t have much longer to make the memories. And on that list is all the things you haven’t done, the things you could have done if you had the time or the money, or your boyfriend/girlfriend wasn’t too busy.

Now imagine the satisfaction you would feel if in those last moments there was no need for a bucket list. If you could sit back and say to yourself that all those things are done and all that’s left to do is sit there with the one you love, hand in hand and live each day like our last. All that’s left to do is to share more love and you could leave completely happy.

The idea of a bucket list is exhilarating, and getting through it in those last years may be something that sends you out of this world on the right foot. It’s your final chance to live before you die. I am not knocking the bucket list at all.

All I’m saying is that those years, the early ones when you can do all of those things with no deadline must… i don’t know. It’s important in life to find the person that you want to give up all those things for but you never have to. Where both of you have hopes and dreams that they try and help you fulfill.

Someone who doesn’t push back dates but plans them that much sooner. Who gets excited with the very idea that they are bouncing around more then you are. A support system that replaces the have nots with the haves, the broken dreams with the finished goals.

Every single day you live, if you are in love there will always be a battle between what you want and who you love. You will have to think of them before all your plans, all your actions. But they should be there to tell you that the battle you are having with yourself is one with no losers. Because what you want is something the person you love will give you, simply because they want to.

No battles, no losing… just life in love.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s