A One Sided Love

She loved him; she may not have known it at first glance, but as each day passed since then he seemed to take up more and more space in her thoughts. Mere moments failed to pass without him dancing about her head, filling ever inch of space there. When did she know it? She often asked herself this as she lay awake beside him in the still of the night, listening to nothing else but him breathing as he slept peacefully next to her.

Cuddling close, she thought the answer so obvious. Within a week of meeting him, she noticed him for real. Saw him as the days passed in her work. Caught his smile as they locked glances as she walked past him. And then, so suddenly, the days between when she saw him seemed to pass slowly. Something pulled inside her, and she seemed to drag on in a longing for something she didn’t know of as of yet.

But slowly, he made a space inside her heart, burrowed there without her permission. And as he dug himself a deeper home in her heart, she began to see him differently. Her heart would quicken as his all too familiar ringtone sounded on her cell phone, butterflies fluttered around when she saw him, knowing that he would speak with her, set her mind wild with words that touched her very soul. And she wanted him then, within mere weeks of speaking with him.

But he did nothing to claim her. And as time passed with the same conversations, the same meetings, and the same feelings flowing stronger inside her, her heart began to break.

What was happening between them was something she didn’t understand. Moments after leaving each other they were speaking on the phone, her thoughts were racing with ideas of him, and his must have been too. But the status between them remained the same. He was a flirtatious friend, one that would fluff her feathers and make her feel good about herself… all the while making her feel so much worse.

There was love there when she looked at him, she felt the story of his life as though it were her own. She knew him as though they had been friends for years. And she loved him… but he told her nothing. Hinted at his feelings and flirted with her heart.

Sitting alone, when her mind was resting and trying to escape thoughts of him, she began to cry.

It was a burden on her heart, on her soul to love this man. A burden to feel a love so strong and know that it was all so one sided. What would happen if she could not love another? If the love she held in her heart for him grew, as his eyes caught sight of another. And his life moved away from her and towards someone else?

What would become of the girl who loved him, so soon after first glance? How terrible a feeling it was, to not know where you stood with someone, you could have all the love they possessed and not know. Could you imagine the weight on your heart if you were to be driving so carelessly down a dark road, the rain falling heavily as you cried.

You cried tears for him, tears of longing and unreturned love. You spoke with him mere moments before, the usual teasing and flirting, the words you wrote to him not of good humour, but completely truthful. You find him so attractive and think of him all the time, you tell him and he laughs you off. Returning with something that should be of equal value but remains empty.

And right in the moment as you replay the conversation in your head you see a bright light and swerve just one moment to late. And it is all over. The world you knew is gone, the live you were living… over. And you lay there on the wet concrete, the feeling of hard rain soaking through every inch of you hushing you into unconsciousness, you wonder if he loves you even the smallest fraction of the love you hold for him.

Those are your last thoughts.

The next morning he learns of your accident, finds himself stumbling back trying to catch his breath as he realizes that you are gone and there will never be another playful conversation between you. Worse yet, he wonders what you thought in those last moments, as you lay there completely alone.

How would her life have been different, if he had told her how much he loved her.

Looking up to the sky, there is a flash of lightning, a clash of thunder. The angels cry so completely overwhelmed, there is no sadder thing to them, no greater heartbreak then love that goes unspoken, of a love unknown. And in those last moments, she felt the rush of a thousand heartbreaks as she lived her life with thoughts of a love unreturned.

To say the words ‘I love you’ takes mere seconds from your day. You may think that as time passes She knows, and that means that you don’t have to say the words. But the heart needs the words, so simple yet so powerful they fuel the heart and can change the whole day. And when the days are hard for her and she feels run down and beaten, she turns to the man she has been with for twenty days, or even twenty years and she needs the words.

Because she doesn’t want to have his love and never know it, she wants to hear those words a thousand times a day. It’s a phrase that if the love is true, will never tire.

So speak of the love you share, say the words. Because you never know when it will be your last chance to let her know that she is not living her life with a one sided love.

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