I Am An Island

The wind was harsh at her back.

Each gust felt like it contained a hundred tiny needles that dove deep into every inch of skin. They pierced her, forming the back of her tattered hospital gown to her back and her legs.

The wind rushed up at her as she stood at the edge of the cliff while the waves crashed angrily against the rocks below. Shifting slightly closer, she taunted Death as her toes curled over the edge, bit of dirt and debris flaking off and falling into the hungry sea below.

Her matted hair flowed down her back, matted strands whipping wildly around her face as the wind attempted to use its force to tilt her that mere inch over the edge.

She stood firm, unsure why really.

It would be easier to close her eyes, open her arms up to the wind and let herself fall. The wind could whip at her, punishing her for all her wrongs as she fell forever. The jagged rocks would come up to meet her, the waves covering them for instances before pulling back into the sea.

So many nights she had found herself here, standing on the edge, looking down.

Her heart ached, longing for the cold arms of Death to embrace her. It had been far too long since she had been able to curl into someone arms, feel someone reaching out for her showing any signs of longing.

A thick tear escaped her eye before she clamped it shut, trying to picture the last person who had shown her any kind of kindness, any kind of welcomed companionship.

She couldn’t remember them. They had been stolen with her memories, and her sanity. There must have been someone, once. A single person who had smiled at her and opened their arms, welcoming her in.

There was more than this place. There was more than the cuts on the bottom of her feet, the bruises that trailed up her arms, the lines of anguish between her brows. There had to be.

Would she ever know? The thought kept her up at night, kept her running. It broke her heart in ways she knew would never be repaired, not while she was still here.

A sob caught in her throat, robbing her of breath for a single moment as it hitched and she couldn’t breathe past it.

What was she waiting for?

Looking down at the rocks below, she wondered if they would welcome her. She could imagine the way they would shatter her if she hit them, but had she not endured worse here?

Agony would become her for a moment, before the coolness of the waves numbed her and Death scooped her up, carrying her home coddled into his chest.

Yes!

Closing her eyes, she tilted her head back and opened her arms. She let the sob she was holding in out into the world around her as she leaned slightly forward.

Relief wrapped itself around her heart as the sob drifted away and she felt like she could finally breathe again for the first time in what felt like eternity.

She was falling.

Only for a moment, before forceful hands wrapped around her arms pulling her back. She was lifted off her feet, hoisted into the air as a burlap sack was thrust into her head casting her once again in darkness.

Kicking, she let out a scream as she realized she had once again let her opportunity pass, and she didn’t know how long it would be until she would get another.

“Let me go!” She wailed, and like always, they said nothing.

Thrown hard onto the floor, she scurried away as the familiar sound of a cellar door closing rocked her down to her very soul. Reaching up, she pulled the sack off her head and looked around at the familiar darkness as she became to weep.

“I am this island.” She whispered to herself in the darkness. Pulling her knees up against her chest, she dropped her face and waited.

In the darkness she tried to remember what warmth was, what comfort had felt like. What the world looked like off this island that had become her prison and her eternity.

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