The Dance In Her Soul

I danced in the shadows of myself.

Deep within the depths of my soul, a light flickered, so far away yet close enough to paint my silhouette on the walls I had built there.

The music was slow, it dragged on, echoing in the quiet darkness of myself. The crying strings of the violin reaching out to touch me, gently at first.

Gently.

As I danced in the shadows of myself I could feel the weight of darkness, the heaviness of sorrow wrapping around my ankles like shackles. I could feel the angry arms of the violin reaching out, wanting more than I could give in the darkness.

More than I could be, nothing more than a shadow here.

The dance was angry, it was sharp and it pulled my body in every direction.

The dance was sad. It filled me slowly, welling up. A ship with a hole I couldn’t find as I became flooded.

The dance was guilty.

In the darkness I could hear the whispers. The hiss of voices telling me I was worthless, I deserved far less than I could even think. The voices blended with the music that kept me moving.

Exhausted.

Beads of sweat danced over my brow, down the nape of my neck, across my cheeks.

Sweat and tears as I danced.

Inside the shadows of myself.

I danced.

My body knew all the steps. They had been written there so long, practiced and perfected. I may not have been born to dance here, but I arrived and wasted no time.

In the dark.

All alone.

The music was deafening.

Exhaustion was my uniform as I danced, quick twirls that left me both breathless and dizzy.

How lonely it was here, just me and and these walls. My silhouette my only company.

My silhouette and the violin.

In the back of my mind I remember. I remember a light. I remember how brightly it shone on me at a time. Once upon a time when the walls were down and the music was quiet. Back when the music was soothing.

I danced then too.

It was a different dance.

A colourful one.

Closing my eyes against the darkness, I remembered the steps of that dance.

My memory was foggy, the memory blurred and out of reach. But just like this dance, this dance of sorrow and woe, my body knew the steps.

Stopping, I collapsed in a heap on the floor in the shadows of my soul. I let the sound of that angry violin fade away, felt it loosen its clutch on me as I hummed the melody of a different song.

I could no longer dance here.

In the shadows of myself. To this very sad and angry song. I had to unshackle myself and let my body remember the dance.

Happiness.

Exhaustion ebbed slightly as I pushed myself up. My body danced. My mind heard music, soft and sweet.

A weightlessness took over.

Opening my eyes I looked at the crack on the wall. I watched as it spread, fracturing until a hole appeared.

Reaching through the hole, I saw her. Holding up a light, letting more music in.

I danced as the wall came down.

I danced as she took my hand and colour appeared, taking hold of the shadows in myself.

And everything was bright, as we danced together.

In the light in my heart.

We danced.